“Some minor celebrity, briefly popular during my period of gestation.”
Dreamt by JM Barrie after being told confidentially by GB Shaw that Wendy was “a bit poofy” in a rush, the name Skrubu was originally used inappropriately to refer to a famous sect of surly, pilfering domestic servants, before it began experimenting with drugs.
1. Skrubu H Itching, director of the new Bond movie, SINISTER DEATH;
2. Skrubu de Marl, BA, opponent of the quick-burning funeral boat; ghost-writer of Jimmy Clitheroe’s revolutionary, hologram autobiography, SUDDENLY I’M LITERATE;
3. Skrubu E Frote-Smmith, champion of the right to use twenty-one entirely new ways to kneel;
4. Skrubu Ach (“The Suspicious”), exposed in the press as having swapped a child for various messiahs later purchased by major world religions;
5. Skrubu Nivea, MSc, populariser of physics; ghost-writer of Vivian Leigh’s poorly bound autobiography, FROM TOP TO BOTTOM;
6. Skrubu Oily, proponent of some thing or other; first holder of the richly prized office of Mr & Miss Transsexual World;
7. Skrubu Toot, RN (“The Thing”), indifferent to the legendary Source of the Thames; first holder of the office of Official Kerb-Trip-Overer;
8. Skrubu Grating, DSO and Bar, MSc, for a time, in their own mind, romantically linked with the Brass Nose;
9. Skrubu X Sprokes-Staplegun, reputedly trapped for twenty-eight days under a fallen monument to an ice sculpture of Hugh Scully; last holder of the office of Royal Gadget-Smasher;
10. Inspector Skrubu L Lilly Li, aroused by the nightmare cupboard.
Typical Skrubu motto
“Ducks come from duck’s eggs, as do drakes, though I suppose technically both are ducklings at that point.”